CALM LIKE A BOMB

Mood:Make the pain go away!
Listening to: Modest Mouse

Lately I have been besieged by many aches and pains thanks to the miracle of physiology and anatomy. A particular disk in my lower back is out of place and "bulging" and pressing on some important nerves that run down my leg. Usually it's the left leg that is affected, but today the right leg has been hurting too. Along with the constant straining muscles and the tightness to the point of getting out of bed being the worst part of my day - THINGS ARE JUST PEACHY WITH ME. I've been seeing a physical therapist and last week I swore I was on the road to recovery, but the weekend sorta put a damper on that excitement. I don't know what happened to change the course of recovery, but I feel back to about where I started. I am going to learn stabilization exercises this week so hopefully I can strengthen the muscles that maybe let this happen or something. I guess I'm not exactly sure how something like this happens or worsens. All I know is I'm in agony with little relief in sight.

So I suppose that makes me crabby.

Julia started eating cereal on Saturday. She caught on pretty quickly and seems to like the stuff well enough. In the next month or so I think we'll start the jar foods. I can't believe how fast she's growing up. She's so sweet. And finally going to bed without a big production. She is a very happy girl.

Me, on the other hand, I've got my issues I guess. I hate it when I get stressed out about things that I shouldn't get stressed out about. I've always been good about letting those little things get to me though. I can't make everybody happy all of the time, and even when I think I'm doing my best at accomplishing the impossible, things fall apart or go awry and I've let somebody down again. Always unintentionally. There are always the things that matter most and I guess I've just got to keep my eye on those things come hell or high water and let the rest of it roll off my back. Otherwise, well.....fuck....maybe that's how I ended up with all this back pain in the first place.

And then Atlas shrugged his(her) shoulders?

I was 100% sure of a trip to Minot next weekend, and then I'm informed that my friend Lisa might be accompanying her husband Chris to Bismarck. I haven't seen her since September when I was barely showing and she needs to meet Julia. We've been friends since Jr. High so it will be nice if she comes along. Just another one of those wrenches that get thrown into my plans. I hate to be the type of person who can't set firm plans, and I don't feel like I am that person - but it always seems to happen this way. And again, I don't know when I'll know if Lisa is coming along.

Things at the Root household are pleasant and pretty upbeat lately. We've got the cutest little girl there ever was and a semi-clean apartment most of the time. Not alot of worries but on the horizon comes what could be a barrage of concern and displeasure. We are living in an apartment that is pretty spendy and it would be nice to find something cheaper, but we don't want to move. Moving sucks ass. We need to have a flexible lease like the one we have in case we end up moving sooner than anticipated. The future holds so much uncertainty. I try to find the good in it. I try to get my mind pumped up for a new job and new surroundings. New friends and a chance to start over in a lot of areas. Sometimes I'm capable of it but other times it's far too easy to curl up in the comfort of familiar surroundings. I feel like I'm making headway on some great friendships lately and the last thing I want is to have something else to miss when I'm gone. I know it will all be okay, as it always is, but it doesn't stop me from worrying about it.

So I'll just go right ahead and put that whole world right back on my shoulders. Backache be damned I guess.