I GOT A QUESTION
What the shit is a Holla Back Girl and why the fuck ain't Gwen Stefani one of them?
Oh, and how exactly would one know if she was a Holla Back Girl?
Is it a club I have to join? Are there dues for this club?
Is there a uniform required?
Anyway...on with the show.

STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.
No kidding.

Mood: Sleepy and generally blah
Listening to: Alone in Kyoto - Air

I have a sour stomach lately. I think it has something to do with my endless Diet Coke consumption because I have acquired a new habit. It could also be the chocolate I keep running into. Rob is trying to turn me into a coffee fiend and that doesn't help either. This all runs into the 'generally blah' I mentioned above.

I could so sleep right now.

Mom and Craig came to Bismarck Monday night for dinner and arrived just in time for Julia's nightly Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde antics. She gets downright silly after 7pm. She goes from smiling to crying in 3.2 seconds. Entertaining yes, but baby needs to be in bed by 8. If I could get Grandma or Grandpa (or anybody for that matter) to come and visit more often I wouldn't have been bothered with the whole issue but it seems to be too big of a chore to drive 100 miles. And it shouldn't be. I'm as new at this new family stuff as the rest of us, although I don't understand why I continue to try be the glue when it seems nobody wants to stick. It's not about me anymore. It's about Julia. She needs this family and she needs to get to know them. I fear for the day we move away and it becomes even harder to get people together. I want her to know her family and it seems like it's such a task. 100 miles is going to seem like nothing compared to 1400 miles. I'm basically getting sick of feeling like I'm begging my family to visit. I feel like it should be the other way around.

We could be living in fucking Alaska and it wouldn't be a helluva lot different. It's embarassing for me - and I am embarassed to admit that. I love everybody so very much and I feel guilty for letting the thoughts of disappointment even cross my brain but I've been pressing them further and further down and losing sleep. I've been practicing confrontational conversations in my brain and it's making me weary. I'd throw my hands up in defeat, but I don't want to let my daughter down.

I know everybody works. I know everybody has lives and responsibilities and everything. I guess I was just hoping for more. More of something. More something than we ever were. I don't know why I expected anything to change but I always had hope that it would. I mean, I see Julia everyday and the only thing that ever makes me sad is that there aren't more people around to enjoy her.


I don't want the people I love to be strangers to my little girl. To their granddaughter/cousin/neice ... it's a heartwrenching thought. It's never too late to change this situation. I just don't know what else to do.