ISOLATION

Mood:Sleepy, moody
Watching:Seinfeld reruns

This weekend went by too fast. Especially for the amount of anything I got accomplished. Which was pretty close to nothing. Not much would be the best way to describe the events that took place.

I slept most of Saturday away and felt pretty crappy when I was awake. I don't know if it was something that I ate or what, but it wasn't a really wonderful day. I did get alot of stuff done on the site Saturday night though. So that was a plus.

Today I was bored and lonely. With Rob gone and Cristy in Minot, the amount of human connection I made was limited to the phone. I have this enormous feeling of isolation today and I can't really shake it. Sometimes I feel like I have a great circle of support around me in Bismarck and other times I could be living in a desolate town and it would still feel the same way. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself here, but I guess I'm allowed to do that every once in awhile. And given my newer 'ultra sensitive' state, feeling lonely is not small potatoes. Not today.

I did get out of the house this evening and went to the grocery store to get me some food and to Wal Mart to get the fish some food. I really dislike doing things like that by myself, but apparently I had better get used to it.

On the other hand, tomorrow marks 12 weeks for the little package I've been carrying around. I don't know when I'll be able to breathe the "sigh of relief" that comes from reaching the 2nd trimester. Inconveniently enough, I feel like the more my guard is up, the safer things are going to be. That isn't really true though, because if something were to go awry, it would be something beyond any control I could have. Just 'going with the flow' is hard enough. I am enjoying myself for the most part though. Especially lately when I've been feeling more like a human being instead of like a machine.

There is more going on with me than the average person would even guess and it makes me feel like I'm carrying a really special secret. I feel really good about it because I'm excited. Rob's excited too. Everytime I think of him I'm supposed to rub my belly, and my belly has been getting a lot of rubbin'.

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Mondays usually go by fast, but after the slacker week I had last week - only 2 whole days!! - this week is going to crawl by. Hopefully Cristy and Gavyn will come for a visit next weekend so I'll have something happy to look forward to.