Taking a Break From Work

I feel like I'm having one of those days where I'm here physically but mentally I'm off somewhere else completely. I am not here. I'm back in May 2002 ... or I'm hanging out in late July sometime. I miss the summer time right now. The bleakness of winter (warmer than usual or not) does nothing for the way that I feel. It's so dirty and dusty and muddy outside. It's brown and tan and gray. The only thing that holds beauty this time of year is the sky, and even I am having a hard time finding peace in that these days. That sanctuary has been tainted.

There isn't much beauty anywhere at all. Although I feel like if I were somewhere else, I'd be able to see it. Perhaps if I were someone else it wouldn't be so hard to find. Searching for happiness is tiresome. I remember when it involved no search at all. All I had to do was wake up in the morning and I'd have it. I wasn't naive... I was living and succeeding and thriving. Strength and security were tangible and yet I never had to ponder their existence. They were just there. Taken for granted.

It's amazing how a few mistakes made over a small hiccup in the entire course of our lives can drastically change a life's intended direction. Things like that aren't realized until it's much too late. Mistakes aren't seen until they hurt beyond simple pain and suffering. This isn't as miniscule as spilling your milk. It's like dropping the entire carton...and then slipping on the mess.