10 THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT BEING PREGNANT

Even though I'm not done --- yet, I can still share my newfound knowledge.

1. Stretch marks are no joke. Even if you thought they were funny before.

2. It doesn't matter when, how or where, babies can get made under the most unusual circumstances.

3. Bad smells get worse. Good smells don't improve. The smell of burnt popcorn, even when it's 1 floor down and on the other side of the building, can ravage your nostrils for hours. Everyone else thinks you have super nasal powers. Nasty perfume makes you contemplate homicide.

4. Leakage is a daily occurrence. Guessing where it's going to come from next makes each day interesting, if not a tad disgusting.

5. Lamaze....blows.

6. Unborn babies are not fond of Buffalo Wild Wings Blazin' sauce, no matter how small of a bite you tried or how much water you guzzled afterwards.

7. The first 2 trimesters are simply practice. The real work comes in the third trimester when carrying a bowling ball in your belly and juggling trying to remember simple instructions with trying to stay sane are daily activities. Trying to remove yourself from any horizontal position is usually not worth the hassle.

8. Saying the "right thing" is Mission Impossible for any man when a pregnant woman is hormonal. The duck and cover position is recommended instead. .... But don't just stand there. What...are you ignoring me now? Don't you know how insignificant that makes me feel? ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!

9. Love your bathroom. You'll visit often.

10. Do not venture far from your antacids. Keep a bottle by your bed at all times. Tums and Rolaids can be your best friends. Think of them as dessert for your dessert. Just like candy!