STUFF I WISH I WROTE
...and if I did, maybe I'd make the big bucks.

"Why does God hate Florida? Could it be that God is angry about the 2000 stolen election and is smiting the entire state to avenge the crimes of Jeb Bush and Katherine Harris? Or is it because Floridians actually elected Jeb Bush (unlike his brother) and God doesn’t like this generation of Bushes and is sending hurricane after hurricane to Florida as a proverbial whiff of grapeshot across our bow to let us know what will be in store for all of America if we, for the first time, legitimately elect his brother? Or is the Big Guy just warning Jeb et al not to try the same shenanigans again this time? Is God tired of wars and lies and Halliburton and lousy homeland security programs and exploding debt and the destruction of His creation at the hand of polluting energy industry contributors?

Try as I might, I spent all weekend trying to reach Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson to ask them what was on God’s mind when he decided to punish Florida twice in one month. My efforts have been so far unsuccessful. And since I don’t have my own direct line to the Old Almighty, like they did, when they justified the 9/11 attack on us as the Lord’s will, we’ll just have to call it a hunch."

---Eric Alterman, MSNBC