I Do Deserve Better

But who doesn't?

Tonight has been one of those nights. The kind of nights where you lose everything. The reasons and the whys and hows. Everything is either tossed around or completely obliterated. I got knocked on my ass hardcore and at this moment I'm not sure if I know how to get up anymore.

It isn't a matter of reconciliation any longer. It's only a matter of recovery. I don't know if I've ever learned how to recover. I move things around in the puzzle of my life but I don't think I've ever removed a piece. It makes it all seem so incomplete somehow.

I fucked up. I tend to do that alot. The way that I feel in a split second seems to completely override the actual feelings that I possess. Call it passionate or emotional or destructive and stupid, it all seems to turn around into one result. Passion shouldn't be destructive, but unfortunately for me it all seems one and the same.

So that's pretty much where I am at. Hello rock, hello bottom. Hello rock bottom.

A million doors just opened up to me at once and the only direction I want to go is back through the door that just slammed in my face.