Random Fuckery

IOU to Chaddork 5 cents.

In other news....

I've been thinking alot lately. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would, but it might be getting me somewhere. Sometimes I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. There was a time when I had alot of things to come to terms with. Many issues that I needed to face and make peace with. I grew up with issues that weren't resolved until the past few years. Now I am finding that I need to come to terms with myself. I'm the last issue that needs to be dealt with.

I guess I need to make peace with me.

I am generally a happy person. Inside, however, I'm a caustic substance. I've got this toxicity that I haven't rid myself of. I am not happy with myself. I've made that revelation...and the next step I found is obviously to improve.

I want to be satisfied with me. I need to be proud of who I am and what I do and where I am at in order for me to be happy. I am spending my days trying to figure out what road to take in order to reach those goals. I don't want to be an ordinary face in the crowd, or the middle aged checkout girl at the local grocery store. I want to use what I consider as gifts to make some form of impact. On someone - ANYONE!

Graphically, lyrically - anything. Expression is where I believe my talent lies. I just need that opportunity to use it. I need that platform to unfold. I want to find the medium that suits me best.

I hate how this situation puts me in such a selfish position. I really hate how the distance I am taking is hurting those I care about. I just don't know where I am going or what I am doing. I'm only hoping for a clearing in my clouded mind so that I may find the answers I've been so desperately searching for. I'm trying to make my inner peace my ultimate goal. Finding out exactly what that will take has been the roughest part thus far.

But what good am I to anyone in this state?